Wednesday, 3 December 2008

Poor Timing

Tomorrow would be my Mum's 61st birthday. Obviously I find this time of year difficult. Although it's been 8 years since she died I still get really upset about it. I know that by now I shouldn't be so volatile about the whole thing, but I am.

The last two nights I've had awful nightmares. Monday night I kept dreaming that my Mum had died and she was going to be buried hundreds of miles away. It was so realistic that every time I woke up I was actually crying out loud. Disturbingly every time I went back to sleep I had pretty much the same dream. Last night I had similar dreams but in these ones I was trying to console my Dad who was also really upset.

Part of my uni course involves looking at stories related to medicine and talking about them in front of groups of people. Tomorrow I have been asked to discuss a story that is all about someone who has lost someone close to them and can't find anyone to listen to them talk about it. I'm lucky enough to have many people to talk to but I still think that I'm going to find this really difficult. Thankfully it is a relatively small group of people, but regardless, I don't want to start crying in front of everyone and I'm worried that I will.

Lily xXx


madsadgirl said...

I sympathise with you. Even after 10 years I still have nightmares around the anniversary of my husband's death and his birthday. You can't help the way that your subconscious works and the games that it plays with you.

As far as the discussion is concerned, just do the best that you can. It is a difficult subject area, and the timing for you is particularly difficult, so all that you can do is do your best. However, if you do cry, don't worry, wipe the tears away and press on. Then when it is all over just explain that it is the anniversary of your Mum's birthday, so she is very much in the forefront of your mind. I am sure that all will understand, and realize how difficult the scenario for discussion has been for you on this particular day.

Lele said...

I hope today was okay for you and your presentation went well. I don't have any words of wisdom to share but my thoughts are with you.

Un(edited) Tales said...

Your post got me a little choked up. I hope you can get a nice long hug from somebody you love.