Very Angry

Yesterday I went all the way to London. I got myself all worked up. In the end some vascular surgeon decided that she wasn't the right person to be looking at my lymph nodes and has just referred me to someone else. She's told me this could take 6 - 8 weeks. I'm really not happy.

To make it worse she was the most infuriating person ever. She hadn't even bothered to read my notes. When I mentioned end of year exams she asked if they were GCSEs or Alevels. It says 21 and 1 month in big letters at the top of the piece of paper she had. She then went "Well if it's only one lymph node..." actually love, it's 9. After this she proceeded to piss me off even more with "I'm sure you're feeling otherwise healthy, so it's probably nothing. Wait. You haven't had any other problems have you?" well discounting losing almost a stone in weight in 3 weeks, having night sweats, feeling so lethargic I can hardly do anything and recently catching every bug around I guess I haven't had any other problems. Idiot. She also rubbed some of my lymph nodes, then typed on the computer, then rubbed me some more, then touched another patient. All without washing her hands. I was sorely tempted to disinfect my head and neck after that.

In fact I'm so unhappy that I'm starting to wonder why I'm training to work in such a disorganised, badly run, below par institution.

Lily xXx

1 Day Until Scary Day

It is amazing how much flatpack furniture can fit in a Fiat Punto. I managed to get 2 breakfast bar stools, a huge coffee table (that weighed almost as much as a small elephant), an ironing board, a toilet brush, some arty bits and lots of random things that I probably didn't need into the back of the car. I think I could have fitted the flatpack boxes for my bed too, but that's being delivered next month. It'll be so exciting to have something other than a blow up mattress to sleep on.

On the subject of sleep I've managed to completely freak out my new boyfriend. We've been friends for a while and after all my disasters with men recently decided to give the two of us a go. It's going fantastically. I don't know why I was so worried about dating a friend. Anyway, back to the point, I was staying at his last night. So I curled up and went to sleep. I've been stressing out a bit all weekend because I'm having my lymph node biospy tomorrow and I'm a big wimp when it comes to medical proceedures. So I went to sleep with a lot on my mind. As always happens when I go to sleep worrying I had a horrible nightmare. To sum it up it was a really graphic dream about when my Mum was ill in hospital before she died. I woke up in fits of tears physically shaking. Understandably the boy was woken up by this. So he stayed up worrying about me. Oops.

Scary lymph node biopsy tomorrow. I wish I knew more what to expect. My GP has said they'll either just take a needle biopsy or if they feel like it whip a whole lymph node out. She's also said they could use either local or general anaesthetic. I'm guessing they're planning on doing it under local as it's such a small little proceedure, and presumably they'd have warned me if I was going to be under general anaesthetic. I'm turning into such a wuss about everything that involves having to see a doctor. I guess a little knowledge can be a dangeous thing. No doubt it'll be highly uneventful. Fingers crossed they decide not to shave a patch of my hair off and take an occipital lymph node from there. I want them to take one of the ones from the side of my neck or the posterior triangle. At a push I'd be happy with them biospying the one in front of my ear as long as I could shut my eyes while they come at me with sharp things.

Lily xXx

Lost Cable

The birthday cake went down so well. I even remembered to take a picture, although admittedly this was after half the thing had been eaten, but who can blame me for getting carried away in the excitement of the moment? Unfortunately I've put the cable that attaches the camera to the computer somewhere safe (so basically I've lost it) until I'm properly moved into the new flat so I can't show anyone yet. It'll probably be up by next year knowing me.

The weather has been so good for the past few days that I'm in an exceptionally good mood. Yesterday I did little else than eat, drink and relax in the sun with a book. I also picked up some bargains from Boots. They had Venus razors with 5 blades for £2.25. Bargain of the century. They also had the shampoo I use on 2 for 1. Hurrah for bargains! I'm rapidly running out of money because of furnishing this flat.

Bed is being delivered on the 15th of August along with a matress and some drawers. Sofa is beign delivered at some point in that week or the next week. Today I'm going to ikea (again) to get the stuff they wouldn't deliver. Most important are the stools for my breakfast bar. At under £10 a stool it actually pays for the petrol I'll use to drive there. If i think it'll fit in the car I need an ironing board too, and a drying rack for clothes and perhaps a new bit to go in a drawer for cutlery. Sometimes I think I'd be better having a van and not a car. Annoyingly I have two boxes of wine in my boot I've been carting between home and London as someone wanted me to take them to London so they could pick them up and they haven't. I've been too lazy to carry them out of the car and put them in my flat because they're really heavy. I probably should as the heat of the car cannot be good for the wine, but at the end of the day I'd rather have their wine go funny than my back get sore.

Off I trot to Ikea again....

Lily xXx

Mmmmm. Cake.

Made my Dad an amazing birthday cake for Tuesday with my big sister. She's really arty so she's painted a piece of icing with an Hawaiian shirt pattern as our Dad is locally famous for his loud shirts. Excitingly it's got blue and green food colouring so I will be bouncing off the ceiling. The actual cake is so amazing it looks shop bought. He won't believe we made it. It's a beautiful lemon Madeira cake. Mmmmmm. If I can find my camera I'll take a picture of it on his birthday. I'm too scared to take it out of the box before just in case I break or ruin it.

Tummy Bug

I have had the most disgusting 24 hours of my life. At 2am I starting being violently sick. I threw up every 15 minutes until about 6.30am. This is when I started simultaniously pooing and vomitting. This carried on for about 2 more hours. I then went back to just vomitting. At around 9.30 my Dad noticed strange noises coming from my room. The sound of me wretching up bile. Obediantly he popped to the shop to get me some dioralyte as I reckoned I must be pretty dehydrated and that could be why I felt so awful. It wasn't until after 4 this afternoon that I could face drinking any. I'm still feeling pretty sorry for myself.

On the plus side I have my biopsy booked for the 29th so I should finally find out what's wrong with me. Hurrah!

Lily xXx

Making Myself at Home

My whole life seems to be taken over by thoughts of furnishing and decorating. My morning has been taken up by buying paint. I spent 2 hours in Homebase just getting paint for the celings and skirting boards. It's plain white yet it took me that long to choose. Why have so many types of white paint? I knew I wanted gloss for the wood and emulsion for the celings. Eventually I gave in to confusion and made my Dad come and help me choose. The added bonus to this was that he insisted on paying. Hurrah!

Back to Ikea in the week to buy my bedroom furniture and I'm also starting painting all the wood work and celings. I'm going to take photos of the rooms before, during and after the decorating. Fingers crossed I can get some help with it all, there's so much to do. Thankfully nearly everyone I know is volunteering to help out at some point. I've even convinced my dad to put up a wall of funky wallpaper. Woo!! Now I just need to convince him to put my bedroom furniture together, put up my curtain rails and fit some shelves. I think I may be being a bit optimistic.

Tomorrow I get to use polyfiller. I'm unnaturally excited.


Lily xXx

Meh.

I haven't blogged for ages. This is because absolutely nothing has really happened. I'm still waiting for my lymph node biopsies. So much for a 2 week maximum wait. I'm trying not to rant about the NHS and slag it off, but this is really making it hard. To make things worse I feel even more ill. 4 or 5 hours working behind a bar now has me so knackered that I have to go straight to bed afterwards. I've also developed a hacking cough. Not nice. Whenever I breath/talk/laugh I just start coughing so badly I sound like a car that won't start.

Talking of cars... mine has just cost me £170!! The windscreen wiper came unattached from the wiper motor in the pouring rain while I was driving down the motorway to get to my new flat. Not fun. On the plus side at least it's fixed now. Fingers crossed it'll be OK for a while.

I've started furnishing my flat. The first thing I bought (before a sofa, bed or table...) was a 37" telly. It was in the sale, which is how I can justify it. It's lovely. Very very very lovely. Today I made the most of the DFS "double the savings" sale and got a gorgeous red sofa and arm chair. Lets just hope I haven't buggered up and it actually fits in the flat. Now all I need to do is to buy a bed and a mattress and then I have all the basics. I think this calls for another trip to Ikea. I even have a loyalty card now. I'm part of the Ikea Family. This fills me with joy... especially because it means I get money off meatballs. Hurrah!!

I also found out that I got a 2.1 in my intercalated degree. Phew! I'm now feeling very pleased with myself, turns out I'm not as much of a dummy as I first thought.

On that note I am going to listen to my chest with my stethoscope some more, and continue to feel sorry for myself. Oh what I would give to still be in my uni flat where I'm sure the flatmate would make me a cup of tea. I guess I'll just have to die of thirst and cough and enlarged lymph nodes quietly in a corner... Woe is me.

Lily xXx

Time Flies

This has been one of those weeks where so much has happened, yet it's so hard to know how to put it all into words. Hence the lack of blogging. On Wednesday I had a GP appointment. Some of you may remember I have a load of swollen lymph nodes the doctor thought might be lymphoma. As I didn't fit the NICE criteria for urgent referal I've been waiting for the biopsies for a month. Recently I've been feeling more and more ill and more lumps have appeared. Mostly I just feel exhausted all of the time, but the headaches and lack of appetite are getting worse and worse and really getting me down. So I thought I'd pay another visit to the GP. I now fit the criteria for urgent NICE referal so fingers crossed within the next fortnight I'll have this worry off of my mind and I'll know whats wrong with me.

I've also been having boy problems. Namely not knowing what the right decision to make is. I'm still thinking I should just buy 10 cats. They'd give me cuddles and love and wouldn't be half as complicated.

Get the keys for my new flat tomorrow. Hurrah! Finally! I can now officially call myself a home owner. Unfortunately I have so much paperwork and such like to do to change my address. I also have to choose a bed, a sofa, tables, rugs... etc etc etc. I am so bad at decisions. Eek!

Lily xXx