Referred Panic

I went into ward round this morning. Did the usual... scribbled in the notes, smiled at the patients, checked the obs charts, made sure the nurses witnessed me alcohol-gelling my hands until they almost dissolved and made the right tutting noises at everything the registrar tutted at.

I thought I was doing well.

After ward round the (exceptionally lovely) surgical registrar came to the mess, put the kettle on and made us all some toast. Then we got to chatting. Firstly we chatted about the general madness of patients being on antibiotics too long because no-one thinks when they check the drug chart. Secondly we chatted about how stupid hospital politics are, trying to make us send home dying patients. Then we talked about finals.

I just casually dropped it into the conversation that my finals are in 2 months and 3 days. The registrar was stunned... "Go... go now and study! In fact don't spend much time on the wards... study study study!!" The panic in his voice made me jump a little.

This has got me into a panic. I still have sign ups to get and yet I have a lot of actual studying to do. I'm only averaging 63% at onexamination questions and I've realised I've forgotten all the basic science I ever knew. I had to draw and relearn about kidney nephrons and how diuretics work today. That's really basic first year stuff.

This week certainly hasn't been as productive for sign ups. I got 7 last week... this week so far I've got 1. Tomorrow I'm aiming to get another 1, at a push 2 and ideally I'd get one on Friday too. I don't think it's through lack of effort, I just think I've got the easy ones done now and the last few I have left are a little more complex.

I also need to find out when my consultant is next on call so I can clerk a patient in and get my case study done. Hopefully next week.

I'm not sure why I get these recurrent bouts of panic. I guess it's because I'm so close to the end and I'm just worried that something small will trip me up.

Lily xXx