More Non-Exam Related Rubbishness

Went to the doctors today and my blood tests were 100% normal... hurrah!! Unfortunately this leaves a big mystery as to why even more sore lymph nodes have come up and why my neck is now bulgy on one-side. Aparrently my blood tests should have shown if I had glandular fever... but the tests say no. So that kind of rules that out, although I could still have a viral infection hiding somewhere. Scarily the doctor is now wanting to rule out lymphoma and TB.

To rule these out she sent me for a chest xray. This went fine although I felt like a midget because they had to move the thing I pressed my chest against really low. The gown they gave me also touched the floor. Very attractive. It took me a good 5 minutes to decide how to tie it up too. Completely baffling. What was wrong with my plain easy to put on T-shirt?

Anyway the radiographer wouldn't let me see my chest afterwards. He was all secretive. I'm telling myself that it's just because thats what he's been told to do but my paranoid side along with the fact he was highly confused at me being an outpatient is making me worry something is wrong. Probably best not to think about it until I see the GP next week.

On the way home the TFL ticket inspectors made me cry. Apparently I hadn't touched out and back in at the tube station where the hospital was. I totally did. I even remember exclaiming to my flatmate "Ooooh. I've only paid 80p for this journey. I must have spent upto a travelcard today." Anyway according to their computer I got on the tube at my home stop, roamed the underground for an hour and a half, and then got back on the right train to go home. The man was really aggressive over it and started telling me off for being a liar and that I could go to court. I told him he could phone the hospital to double check I had actually been there for over half an hour, and there was no other way I could get off/on the tube at that stop without touching in and out. Eventually he made me cry and the whole crew of 4 inspectors who had been bulling me decided to "give me the benefit of the doubt". A mixture of this, feeling ill and the last few days of worry just all got far too much for me and I ran home from the station in tears and sat in bed crying all afternoon.

Unfortunately my flatmate had a hellish exam this afternoon. Fortunately she's brought haribo home to cheer herself up and is feeding me them too! Yum yum yum. It seems she has been a victim of the annoyingness of course supervisors writing exam papers not realising what the students have covered. Everyone in the group found the exam near impossible and couldn't recall covering most of the topics. I know how hard she worked for these exams so I'm really frustrated for her. Fingers crossed mine don't go the same way.

Calmer and Feeling Better

I'm alot calmer today. I totally freaked out unnecessarily. The chances of there being anything more than a virus wrong with me are pretty slim. I think they're just being ultra precautious because if there was anything major wrong and they missed it, that would be very very very bad. I just hope that whatever they find out it is they can stop because the lumps are getting bigger. My neck is all swollen on one side and the lumps in front of my ear are getting hugely bigger too. Less noticably to look at, but much more to feel, the lumps on my lower neck/upper back are getting huge. It's now sore to shrug my shoulders or lie on my back. Moan moan moan...

I've managed to do some work today. Hurrah! Not as much as I would like however, I keep getting stuck on genetics lectures (not my forte) and it takes me ages to make revision notes from them. So in the spirit of procrastination I've made soup. Mmmmm. It's chickpea and chorizo soup.

On the subject of food, I went out for thai last night. I love thai food. I had a huge plate of pad thai. I always have a huge dilemma over what to choose. Everything on the menu is so tasty. I nearly always go for pad thai though because it's been my favourite food since I was about 8. I've thought about learning to cook it, but its a scary thought. I think I'd cry if I ruined it.

Fingers crossed the library will have power from tomorrow again. Hurrah! Then I can get my revision boots back on and not be distracted by lovely lovely food. Mmmmm.

Lily xXx

Very Worried

Today has been poo.

Got up early to go to the library. Still no power. This means there was only a tiny little library for everyone. So I tried to get cosy in the little library. It's dusty, and rubbish and boiling hot. I thought I was going to pass out.

Because I felt so rubbish and it's been going on for ages I decided to combat my fear of doctors (I know this is a strange fear since I want to be one), and go to the walk-in clinic at uni. After spending 20 minutes sitting in a room being coughed on by lots of grumpy looking students, I saw a nurse. She was so excited by my lymph nodes and general grottyness that she recommended I saw the doctor after repeatedly squishing them and telling me she'd never seen any so huge. I was proud in a way.

So I waited another 15 minutes to see the doctor. She seemed nice at first. This was until she started poking me. It hurt alot. I guess this is good as it meant she had a proper feel of all my lumps and bumps, but I didn't feel that way at the time. As she probed symptoms out of me she gradually started to look more and more worried. This meant she poked me all over (including my ankles). In fact I've never had such a thorough examination.

After this I got sent back to the dramatic nurse to get blood tests done. The doctor said "We'll just do a little test to check if it's a bacterial or viral infection that can be delt with easily". The nurse started getting out loads of blood tubes. She then started rabbiting on in an excited way that they only check this many things when they think something is serious wrong. She then mentioned leukaemia and how my symptoms are textbook. Great.

Now I'm really worried. They put my blood tests through as urgent so the results will be in Wednesday when I have another appointment. I realise the chances of it being anything serious are pretty slim, but now an evil seed of thought is germinating in my brain. I just couldn't concentrate on my work today. I just kept phasing out and getting myself in even more of a state.

Going to try and do some work tomorrow because I really don't want to fall behind. Unfortunately the library won't have power until later in the week and I struggle to concentrate at home. Too many distractions.

Lily xXx

Friendly Happy People

Today I met the nicest uni security man ever. Usually the uni security men are either asleep or busy shouting at us for breathing too loudly as we walk through a doorway. Today however, this wasn't the case.

I was trying to swipe into the building which contains our library this morning (Yes, library revision session on a Saturday. I am SO dedicated.) but my card wouldn't work. The security man was outside about to have a cigarette and noticed my problem. Before I know it he was ushering me inside, sitting me on his little security chair and telling me how awful it is that they haven't activated all of our swipes for 24hr access. Not only did he tell me this but he also showed me all the shiny new security computers. After about 20 minutes of relationship advice from him to me, and his lavishing praise on me as a nice person I was in a fantastic mood. He also pointed something important out. I pay to go to uni. This means I shouldn't be so surprised when a security person offers to actually help. Amusingly he also has an obsession with my flatmate's tongue piercing.

Anyway now he knows me by name and shouts "Hello madame lily!" every time I walk past. Stopping for a 15 minute chat every time I go outside to stretch my legs and have something to eat probably doesn't help my productivity, but it certainly helps my mood. I hope Mr Friendly-Security-Man is there tomorrow.

Lily xXx

Beginning of the End

Woo Hoo!! Handed in my dissertation today! Now it feels like the beginning of the end of the year. I had a big urge to run around in circles and do a special dance... instead I went to the library to start revision. Oh what fun.

I might be considered a bit weird to admit to this, but I actually like revision. I would even say I like exams. I hate the pressure and the fact I have to pass them. I just like the quietness. I like sitting quietly in the library writing notes. I like sitting quietly in exams writing questions. I just wish i didn't need to know so much. I also wish exams were when it was raining. Not when the sun was shining brightly like it was today.

The other amazing thing about revision is the amount of people I see. I've been on a different campus this year, so can go months not seeing people. Today I've seen at least 10 people I haven't seen in weeks but really get along with.

What I don't get is those people who arrive at the library at 3 or 4 in the afternoon and leave the next morning. How do they do it? I enjoy my 9-5 at the library, I don't think I could focus for any longer. I certainly couldn't stay up all night and revise. I'd end up sleeping all the way through my exams.

Had one of my favourite foods today. Flagolet beans the way my Dad makes them. Basically you empty the can into a pan with some salt, pepper, butter, garlic and a chicken stock cube. Cook for a bit and add freshly chopped parsley. Yum.

Lily xXx

Feeling Good.

It's amazing what a good night's sleep can do. I went to bed feeling awful, and I've woken up feeling pretty okay. Bit sore and achey, but I'm sure I'll survive. Confusingly my lymph node lumps are getting bigger though. I think I'm turning into elephant-girl.

Today I've managed to do loads, while not doing much at all. I caught up with all the emails I had to send and tidied up because the gas man was coming to give the flat a check over. Lucky I tidied up because my landlord turned up to say hello. Not so lucky that I was still in my PJs with my hair going in about 20 different directions.

I also managed a monster trip to tesco. My flatmate and I bought enough food to last us 2 if not 3 weeks. Tomorrow I'll be having a cooking evening after being at the library in the day so I can fill the freezer up with homemade ready meals. Yum yum yum. I also got some fish fingers. Mmmmmm, fish finger sandwiches.

On the subject of yummyness I get a free dinner tonight. For some bizzare reason the volunteering section of my uni has decided that they're hosting an evening of food and champagne for us little volunteers. Unfortunately no-one else in the group I volunteer with can come because of exams and dissertations, so I'm dragging my flatmate along. She has to pretend she's with the charity. Fingers crossed no-one asks her any questions.


Lily xXx

Plagued.

I have plague. I feel awful. The occipital lymph node on one side of my head is hugely swollen, and now the ones on the base of my neck and in front of my ear are huge too! I don't know whether or not I should bother with going to the doctors about it. I don't want to waste mine and the GP's time if I just need time and rest.

On the plus side i finished my dissertation (although I've done it without the extra sets of results as my supervisor is still ignoring me).

I'm going to bed to try and get better now. That is as soon as I've cleaned the flat a bit because our landlord is coming over tomorrow. Great.

Lily xXx