Mini Rant and Randomness

So I realise I said I'd write something about the government's response to the petition to bring back free accomodation for FY1 doctors. Because I've been so busy freaking out and not revising which I'll explain in a minute it's going to be a short rant. There were a few points that really bothered me.

1. They basically tell us to be grateful for the 2.2% pay increase this year. Well that would be nice if the inflation on my student loan wasn't over 4%. So technically thats a pay decrease when going along with the inflation they use to measure student loan interest and most other things in the country.

2. It also says we should be glad we're not having to work such stupidly long hours. To be fair I'd rather work the hours so I can be a competant doctor. In fact most doctors will probably end up working long hours still, they just won't get that reflected in their pay packet.

3. It says doctors should be treated like all other healthcare professionals. Does that mean like shit? Because thats pretty much how they seem to be treating everyone these days... Grrr.

Rant over.

Now for the explanation of why I've spent the whole day freaking out. Well yesterday the GP said I needed a lymph node taken out or biopsied to make sure I don't have lymphoma. As I am borderline for "urgent" referal and I have exams for the next 3 weeks, we took a mutual decision to make the referal non-urgent so I can do my exams and if anything changes before my appointment with the surgeon I should go back to the GP.

I've finally explained all this to my Dad and properly freaked him out and I feel awful for him. My Mum died of cancer 8 years ago, as did his mother 7 years ago and his father 2 years ago. So although the chances of me having anything are stupidly slim, as I told him, he's still really worried. I feel awful for making him feel bad. To make it worse all I want to do is go home, have a big cuddle and cry about it. I'm actually getting really scared. Unfortunately at home I'll get absolutely no revision done, which is even worse than the little revision I'm doing here.

I've done half the revision I should have done and I just can't be bothered. It's too difficult and I'm knackered and grumpy. Meh.

On the plus side I've lost loads of weight in the last month (... yes I realise considering the whole possible lymphoma thing I shouldn't be so happy about this), so I bought a new pair of jeans which look really good. To be fair I only bought them because they look teeny tiny on the hanger and actually fit on my bum! Granted it's just one size less but when you're little like me one size is alot!

Lily xXx

Very Worried

Today has been poo.

Got up early to go to the library. Still no power. This means there was only a tiny little library for everyone. So I tried to get cosy in the little library. It's dusty, and rubbish and boiling hot. I thought I was going to pass out.

Because I felt so rubbish and it's been going on for ages I decided to combat my fear of doctors (I know this is a strange fear since I want to be one), and go to the walk-in clinic at uni. After spending 20 minutes sitting in a room being coughed on by lots of grumpy looking students, I saw a nurse. She was so excited by my lymph nodes and general grottyness that she recommended I saw the doctor after repeatedly squishing them and telling me she'd never seen any so huge. I was proud in a way.

So I waited another 15 minutes to see the doctor. She seemed nice at first. This was until she started poking me. It hurt alot. I guess this is good as it meant she had a proper feel of all my lumps and bumps, but I didn't feel that way at the time. As she probed symptoms out of me she gradually started to look more and more worried. This meant she poked me all over (including my ankles). In fact I've never had such a thorough examination.

After this I got sent back to the dramatic nurse to get blood tests done. The doctor said "We'll just do a little test to check if it's a bacterial or viral infection that can be delt with easily". The nurse started getting out loads of blood tubes. She then started rabbiting on in an excited way that they only check this many things when they think something is serious wrong. She then mentioned leukaemia and how my symptoms are textbook. Great.

Now I'm really worried. They put my blood tests through as urgent so the results will be in Wednesday when I have another appointment. I realise the chances of it being anything serious are pretty slim, but now an evil seed of thought is germinating in my brain. I just couldn't concentrate on my work today. I just kept phasing out and getting myself in even more of a state.

Going to try and do some work tomorrow because I really don't want to fall behind. Unfortunately the library won't have power until later in the week and I struggle to concentrate at home. Too many distractions.

Lily xXx