Open Letter to Supermarket Shoppers

Dear Supermarket Shoppers,

I would like to say that I greatly enjoyed partaking in a light spot of grocery shopping with you today, but that would be a big fat lie. To make our future encounters more pleasant I have a few pointers in proper shopping etiquette.

1. Stopping your trolley surrounded by 6 children in the middle of an aisle is not clever. The fact little Sam has just shoved a banana up Jimmy's nose does not make it acceptable. This causes congestion. It also means people shove in to me, expecting me to shove in to you... clearly hoping to bash you out of the way. I don't like being shoved. In fact any physical contact from strangers makes me squirm inside.

2. This point is aimed at all the friendly ladies who choose to stand at the entrance to an aisle, blocking it with their trolleys to have a chat. Please don't. Most supermarkets have a nice little cafe which is perfect for chatting. If the supermarket doesn't have a cafe why not buy some tea bags and go and have a chat at home? It's warmer and more cosy there. There is also the additional bonus that if your 20 minute chat takes place at home you are not blocking my way in to the juice aisle. Lack of mango juice makes me angry. Being kept apart from it so forcefully could lead me insanity. This insanity could lead to violence. I would not be responsible for my actions. It could get messy.

3. When I say excuse me politely because you are in my way please don't look at me and scowl because I have interrupted your conversation. Be thankful that I didn't throw a potato at you and step over your unconscious body.

4. Commenting on the contents of my shopping basket is also not OK. It is none of your business. Please note that just because my shopping basket only had a carton of mango juice and salad items does not mean I have an eating disorder. It means I stocked my freezer up with lots of things last week and I only need some fresh veg to prevent scurvy.

Now that those points are clear I hope our next shopping experience together is much more pleasant.

Love and Hugs

Lily xXx