Bizarre Curriculum

From talking to other medics it seems like the curriculum varies drastically from medical school to medical school over clinical years.

Being a loyal person, I'm usually the first to defend everything about my medical school except for the poor admin issues. I've spent hours spouting to other medic friends about how the curriculum at my uni is great in comparison to some of theirs as we have set times to discover all different specialities in 4th year after covering the basics of medicine and surgery in 3rd year.

Today I'm not feeling so hot about it. This is because of geriatrics. We have a relatively long placement in geriatrics, and although it's very important I just feel that the time could be better managed. A large part of my gastro/endo/gen med placement was geriatrics, as was neurology in 3rd year. It seems as if now we're going over the same ideas on capacity, support at home and assessing function that we did then.

I may be biased because I'm not loving geriatrics. I feel much more comfortable at the other end of the spectrum with paediatrics. Even taking my personal bias out of the picture surely it would be better to involve us with more clinical, history taking and diagnostic skills surrounding general medicine while highlighting the issues of elderly care rather than spending hours going over the same information about falls and delirium?

It would also be nice to have some more time doing specialities such as ENT, that we only had a couple of days for, and dermatology that seems to be lumped in with other things?

I feel like having a good old moan about everything today and the curriculum isn't all I'm irritated with, the weather is too. This morning the sunshine woke me up at 5.11am by streaming in my window. I was tired, but pleased the sun was shining. Then as soon as I left at 8 the sun vanished leaving me to freeze all day. Unimpressed. I'm trying really hard not to turn on the heating as my gas consumption is already higher than last year, but it's sooo tempting.

Lily xXx

Valuable Lessons Learnt Today

Here are a few valuable lessons I've learnt today...

1. Pencil skirt + large gap between platform and the train = near death experience.

2. Wearing a stethoscope while inside the hospital automatically makes people think I have more power than I actually do. This is a BAD thing. I got shouted at by some lady today about the lack of alcohol hand gel in the public areas of the hospital and then shouted at because I couldn't make a formal complaint on her behalf. I did feel like pointing out that the entrance and exit to every ward has a hand gel as well as every bed which is probably enough but I was scared she was going to kill me with her death stare.

3. Old people are really hard to take histories from.

4. I prefer listening to old people talk about "the olden days" than taking histories and if it was up to me I'd just spend all day having a chat.

5. The sickly sweet smell of ulcers has put me off of any sweet food for the foreseeable future.

6. I would like a house-elf to do my cleaning and cook me dinner so I could relax after a long day at uni. It would be good if this house-elf was proficient in the use of various databases to search for journal papers to make my life even easier.

Lily xXx

(I think point 6 is more the start of a wish-list than a life learning point, but it needs to be said.)

A Couple of Hours of Bliss

I don't know whether to be happy or sad.

I had the most lovely Saturday afternoon, evening and Sunday morning with the ex. I'm a bit fed up of writing "the ex", "the ex boyf", "my ex fiance" etc... so from now on I'll call him Moose. This is partially because he's as hairy as a moose, but mostly because it would help if I could give him a name on here.

Anyway he turned up Saturday afternoon. I was originally a little peeved as he was supposed to be coming over in the morning but when he called to apologise that he hadn't turned up because he'd fallen back asleep, I couldn't be angry, just glad he'd finally had a couple of hours of sleep.

Without going into too much soppy detail he was so affectionate. For the last couple of months he's only held my hand when I've reached out for it, he's only snuggled when I've snuggled up to him and he's put up with me giving him kisses. Not this weekend. He seemed genuinely pleased to be spending time with me. It was so nice to get given kisses just because and to have him cuddling me in front of the TV.

We woke up in the morning and had another cuddle and then his phone rang. It was his sister telling him that their Dad was on the way to give them their birthday presents. He thought his Dad would be visiting next week so had to leave early. Part of me was upset because it meant we were spending less time together, but the other part of me was just so pleased we had a lovely time together that I didn't mind at all. Next weekend is his actual birthday weekend and he has plans to go to a car show with his best friend so I won't be seeing him for a fortnight. It seems like ages but I'm sure with all the work I've got it'll fly by. I just need to quiet the doom-merchant in my mind that's telling me that it can't last.

It also gives me something to really look forward to. That weekend is the weekend between mine and his birthday. Because of this we're going to do something special as a treat. Even though he's afraid of heights he wants to go on the London Eye. I'm going to book a special Pimms flight on the London Eye, so we can enjoy the best summer drink while looking over the city. Lovely. I'm sooo excited!

In the meanwhile I have so much work to do I should probably get on with it.

Lily xXx

Panic Stations!

There's nothing quite like having a deadline moved drastically forward to put a rocket up my bottom. This evening I have well and truly gotten started, although with the amount I have left to do it almost feels like I haven't. Thankfully my supervisors are really helpful,so I'm sure when I email them on Monday they'll be able to confirm that I'm on the right track. We were hoping to fit in another meeting before the deadline, but there really isn't time for that now.

My day hasn't all been work though. I had a bit of a lie in since I stayed up late for elections. I then went to lectures where the bombshell of my new deadline was dropped. After that I went for a lovely lunch with madsadgirl.

Now I'm spending the rest of my evening trying to get this literature review properly started. It's so tempting to just tidy my flat instead. That shows how much I want to procrastinate because I HATE cleaning. I am the messiest person ever. However I have worked solidly for a couple of hours. I have so many other things to do for uni that I really want to get this done as quickly as possible. Although I should get a publication and lots of skills from this special study unit, I'm kind of wondering why I picked something so difficult towards the end of the year when I have so many other deadlines. Eep!

The ex is coming over tomorrow hopefully for a bit of cheering up. I'm thinking of taking him to a farmer's market because who doesn't like lots of nice yummy fresh food and a day out in the sunshine... so cross your fingers that the sun will shine for us!

Lily xXx

Election Day

I've voted! Have you?

I spent hours reading manifestos and trying to make up my mind who to vote for. I finally decided on Lib Dems for reasons that would probably make most of you fall asleep.

I feel like a big geek because I was so excited about voting. At the last national election I was 3 weeks too young to vote. It was so frustrating especially since I was doing an A-level in politics.

I'm now going to make myself some lunch and do a few hours work before I have a nap so I can stay up really late to watch the election results.

I have to decide whether or not to watch BBC1 or the alternative election night on channel 4. I think I'm also going to end up missing glee to watch election things.

Lily xXx

Desperately Waiting

I've been wanting to write about this for a while. I haven't because firstly I find it so upsetting and secondly because the issue was nowhere closer to being resolved. Now it's getting somewhere I think I'll feel a huge sense of relief writing about it.

As you all know my fiance walked out over a month ago. It turns out things weren't that simple. He left because he'd been hiding the fact he was feeling really low and didn't want to drag me down.

Looking back I had noticed he was down and I hate myself for not mentioning something. He had no concentration for a while and had got much grumpier. On top of that he just wasn't really sleeping much and seemed more miserable. Whenever I'd ask him why he wasn't cheerful he'd blame work and make jokes about having a nervous breakdown. I stupidly believed him when he said he was OK, and thought that just by being the best girlfriend ever I could cheer him up.

That wasn't the case.

A week or so after he broke up with me I spent some time with him and realised he had a serious problem. He was weepy, his hands shook, he couldn't make eye contact, wasn't eating, wasn't doing anything he used to enjoy and was constantly saying how guilty he felt that he was such a failure in life. He really isn't.

I spent a whole night of not sleeping, not really knowing what to do. He dumped me so surely I should just back off? Fortunately I love him so much that I couldn't do that. I knew he wouldn't listen to anything I said so I wrote him a letter. I wrote all the things that were worrying me about him, and how it sounded a lot like depression. I told him he should get some help. I also told him that no matter what, I was going to be there for him.

He read the letter and phoned me up really relieved because someone recognised what was wrong. He was scared about going to the doctor. Scared of all the bad things he'd heard about antidepressants. Scared he'd look weak. Scared he wouldn't be believed.

With what look a lot of bravery he made a GP appointment. He had to wait 10 days. Unfortunately his own GP was away so he saw a locum. The locum agreed he needed to be seen again and got him to fill out a questionnaire. This is a questionnaire which uses questions based on the criteria for diagnosing depression to estimate the severity of someone's depression. He scored a score that put him in the bracket of severely depressed.

NICE guidelines state that both pharmacological treatment and a referral should be given at this point. Shame he didn't get it. He was messed around with appointments that were apparently booked but there was no record of and ended up going back to the locum again who just sent him home telling him to wait for a referral to come through at some point in the future.

All the while he was getting more and more ill. Last weekend he was so clearly distressed and so withdrawn that while driving back from visiting him I had to stop the car because I realised I was sobbing. It's so upsetting to see someone you love so much in such a state.

This was last weekend. I've been so worried about him I haven't been sleeping myself. After seeing him this weekend I couldn't eat for 2 days or sleep more than an hour at a time. I'd really got myself into a panic and didn't know what to do. I was really starting to think that he'd just be abandoned by the NHS and left until he got so bad he just decided to end things.

Tuesday morning I got a call at 4am. It was him. He'd got into an anxious state and felt like he was going to explode. He didn't think he could cope with anything any more. Part of me wanting to jump in the car and rescue him, but what could I do?

Between us we had a chat about things to help him get through the night and he decided to make another GP appointment in the morning even though they'd been fobbing him off.

Thankfully his GP from childhood was back off holiday and saw him. This GP, we shall call him Dr Lovely, instantly admitted that my ex was clearly not himself. GP lovely had a good chat with him, even though it made his clinic run over. He sorted out a quicker referral. He also prescribed some citalopram. Dr Lovely took the time to chat to him about the medication and made sure he felt that if he needs to see him again before his next appointment in a few weeks time that the door is always open. I honestly feel that Dr Lovely has saved his life.

Now it's just the wait while the citalopram kicks in and the earlier promised referral happens.

The waiting is really hard though. All I can do is be there for him, but there's no real advice I can give and I don't know if I'm doing the right thing. I really hope he pulls through this.

Lily xXx

Land of Civilisation

I'm back in London, where I can get access to an internet connection that doesn't automatically ban any kind of blog and facebook.

Later on today when I've had the chance to have a cup of tea and relax for a few hours I'm going to write a big ranty post about something I've been experiencing in my personal life, which is medicine related and how peeved it's made me.

Until then I have another question...

Why are teenage girls walking around town sucking on babies dummies?

I saw 2 today on my way to the supermarket to get some rather delicious prawns (on special offer) for my dinner.

They look completely ridiculous. What's even more shocking is one of these girls was walking down the street with some guy's arm around her. Wasn't he embarrassed to be seen with someone strange enough to use a dummy at about 17? Apparently it's a fashion at the moment or so I've heard.

Because I don't get it, does that mean I'm getting old?

Lily xXx